Yieldin’ Healin’

In looking to the root or mula of things and the body, past trauma can be uncovered as I’ve already found out. Hopefully when this kind of thing happens I can just be present for what’s coming up for me, and not make it more or less than it really is. Last night I had a strong memory of some words said to me as a child that had caused me to feel guilty and suspicious of myself as I was remembering learning Janu Sirsasana B. What I didn’t describe in that post was how I felt. When I was shrinking back and trying to numb myself to the sensation of sitting on my heel, I was colored with a dark emotion, like this is bad and I am ashamed. But I did it anyway, and that felt familiar. I grew up from age 7 through high school in a kooky household. I learned ways that didn’t seem like mine in order to get along in that place. So that’s what came up for me in yoga a while back.

As the moment moved by, and I sat there I thought I might be sick, but then that passed, too.

And it makes me mad now. I’m angry about learning to be inauthentic because now I want to be. So now I’m dedicating myself to the root of things, and hopefully I will do a little spiritual house cleaning “down there” in the course of my study and work.

I’m grateful for yoga and my teacher for a situation that might one day yield healing.

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2 Responses to Yieldin’ Healin’

  1. Janice Lodato says:

    I completely understand your anger. However, sometimes
    being inauthentic is a survival skill. The flexibility that we
    admire in yoga, I imagine, also means at times adapting to
    situations to survive them. Sometimes one must be less of oneself
    to survive. Hopefully that doesn’t last too long, but seems like
    you had quite a long haul of it. Definitely that’s painful. You’re
    strong now, as you were then, and now you have the beautiful
    opportunity to fully bloom as your true, authentic self!

  2. Cristina says:

    Practicing yoga it’s impossible to avoid an intimate contact with these parts of our body. At the beginning we start just to move some muscles down there, slowly we built up awareness and the energy starts to move and produce its effects. When I give yoga classes, I use to point in a very direct and provocative way, to this area of the body : perhaps just pronouncing and hearing the name of “vagina” would help us to pass through a lot of blockages and complexes.
    I’m very interested in this subject and look forward to reading from you forward.

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